Boy, I miss my Mom and think about her every day. It was really hard going in to Hallmark to buy a few cards this year and seeing all the Happy Mother's Day cards. I didn't cry, but I almost did. I guess I miss her very presence. I'm so glad I got to be with her the last 10 days of her life. Even tho she was mostly unresponsive during that time, I knew she was 'there'. I'm glad I took the time to just hold her arm and touch her little fingers and tell her how much I loved and appreciated her. Mom really was not a physically affectionate mother. Haha..I love touch, but I bet I was at least 50 years old before it hit me that mom's love language was NOT touch, but quality time....for that matter, ANY time.
But, I really love touch, so I'm glad I just got to touch her. As an RN, the nurses were great about letting me stay overnight in ICU and help keep an eye on her monitors, any changes in her positioning, bathing, turning her. I realize now how much that means to me because of all the touch involved. I instinctively treasured each moment my skin came in touch with hers, even though I really did not know these were her last moments.
My Dad has remarried. He seems very happy and I'm learning to let go of him in certain ways. How do you let go of people but still love them with your whole heart? I don't know how to do this. It's like waking up in a familiar room but all the furniture has been changed around and new pieces are added. Paintings are on the wall that I would never have picked out...but ...they are there and are not going to change. Very strange. I guess if we lived in the same town the changes would be assimilated more quickly. But we don't, so it's taking a little while.
I must confess on past Mother's Days, I've always been a little conflicted about the whole thing. Do we go see 'his' mom, 'my' mom, or do I stay home and just enjoy my own day as a mom. Mostly I've decided in the past on staying home. I sent flowers to my mom on her last mother's day in 2013, rationalizing that I had just been to see her on my Dad's birthday in late April. I stayed home. I think that year we went to a hamburger place on the lake with the kids that were here in town. Honestly, I wish now I had gone to see her.
This year, it was just not a huge decision. We had a great visit with William's parents and just loving on his mom. They have had quite a spring. In the first days of putting their house on the market they had 2 or 3 offers. They moved from living 35 years in a very large home (17 closets, 3 attics) to a small temporary home while a new home is being built. It had been about a month since we saw them, so we were glad to see they are loving their new spot, the neighbors, the pretty and private yard and the convenience of shopping for things they need.
Mom (GRAN) and William
Mom, William and Dad
